So we’ll get right to it on the list of how guys mess up relationships with women. Obviously women can mess things up too and that list will show itself another time soon.
5. Jealousy. It’s bad for many reasons. It shows insecurity inside of you, gives undo attention to the guy (or guys) you’re jealous of, and causes you to make many of the other mistakes within this list. Really guys, most of the time it’s pathetic to be jealous. It paints a picture of you being anything but strong. Forget about it! Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long. Guys who are confident in themselves aren’t the guys who are jealous worry warts fretting that some other guy is going to steal their girl away. Show her that you’re secure in yourself and aren’t intimidated by other guys and you’ll show an attractive element of yourself. Show jealousy and you’ll show an unattractive element of yourself. You pick.
4. Being too serious. Everyone wants to enjoy themselves and be around people who know how to have a good time, have great stories to tell and can make others laugh. Don’t tell jokes (that’s usually cheesy), but be playful and get her laughing. You don’t want to be around someone who’s boring and neither does she. A man who’s fun and has a great sense of humor is often seen by women as being attractive. Be the guy who doesn’t take himself, life, her or even your relationship too seriously. Have fun yourself and it will radiate to her as well.
3. Constant contact with her. Calling her every hour (or more) of the day to see what she’s doing or to tell her you’re thinking about her is NOT what she wants even if she thinks it is. All it tells her is that you have no life and she has become your life. She doesn’t want to be your life because she’s already got her life. What does she gain? You need to offer her something other than what she already has! Plus if you call her all the time you are taking away mystery and anticipation. You should be too busy to overwhelm her with calls. Hang out with other friends, do things you enjoy, go to the gym, and make sure you have a life outside of her. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about her or that she’s not a large part of your life but emotionally healthy women usually don’t stay with men who can’t stand to spend a few hours on their own. She is attracted to the guy who’s having fun no matter what he does and that makes her want to be around him to be part of his adventures rather than her being his only adventure.
2. Being passive. Guys, I know that the media and society has told you to calm down and stop thinking you’re in charge of everything as part of the attack on what a real man is. I’m not suggesting you think of yourself as in charge of everything, but stop leaving every decision to her. She hates that! When you’re going out to eat with her don’t play the “I-don’t-know-where-do-you-want-to-go” game. You likely know what kind of food she likes and if not then go somewhere that offers a wide selection. You don’t even have to tell her where you’re going, just tell her that it’s a great place or a surprise (but if it is a surprise it needs to be a place that isn’t typical or else she’s not going to look forward to the next surprise). The bottom line is, make decisions. Voice your opinion. Don’t be a jerk about it but women like it when you have the evening planned instead of looking at her and asking her to decide where the two of you go next. To women that’s boring and makes you look like a passive momma’s boy!
1. Saying “I love you” too soon. Sometimes guys say this because they think she wants them to and she often does. But remember, people rarely know exactly what they want. If it’s said too soon, even if she thinks she wants to hear it, some of the adventure and excitement that comes with the natural progression of a relationship will be gone. It’d be like a child being on a trip to Disney Land and expecting the trip to take ten hours but in one hour is told the trip is over. While it might sound nice that all that time in a car is avoided, we must realize that part of the joy of a trip like Disney Land or even waiting for Christmas is the anticipation of it all. Don’t rob her of that.
Naturally I can’t give you a time frame of when it’s right to say those words, but be sure that you aren’t saying them just because you think she wants to hear it. Also, make sure that you aren’t in love with the idea of being in love. Take your time and make sure that what you feel is beyond the infatuation that comes with the early days of a relationship. You gain nothing by saying “I love you” before it’s had due process and you’re certain. Even after you’re certain, see how you feel about being “certain” for a few weeks. You don’t win any contests by telling her that you love her. If anything, you take some of the mystery and attraction out of the equation. That certainly doesn’t mean you should never say it, but your relationship should be rock solid and mature in order to handle the loss of this carrot in front of us.
So there you go guys. Avoid those things and do the right things and you’ll be successful in relationships.
Kevin Winslow is a moderator for Real Christian Singles Message Forum
Welcome to the Real Christian Singles blog. Here you'll find thoughts and adivce on relationships from men and women who view relationships from a Christian point of view. You'll learn about all kinds of things related to relationships and will likely make a friend or two along the way. To join this community, 