Hopefully this blog will help you deal with and overcome jealousy and insecurity in relationships. At least it might be a start.

At one time I was a jealous type. During my teen years I was jealous of any guy who got around the girl I was dating.

It took some break ups and toughing up…in many ways it was like I was torn down and rebuilt like in the military. Now my confidence level is such that I don’t feel jealousy.

Jealousy and insecurity usually starts from a lack of confidence and a lack of trust that you can move on without that person. Maybe you’re even in a co-dependent situation.

I don’t think it’s something that can happen overnight, but for someone who struggles with insecurity and jealousy in relationships I’d say:

1. The race is long. Sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind. Don’t sweat the small stuff or else you’ll lose site of the big picture and drive yourself crazy. Know that you aren’t going to lose someone or win them back in just one day and that most of the time your fear of losing your significant other is unnecessary to begin with.

2. If the person you’re with seems that hard to keep then you need to reevaluate the relationship. If you really see every member of your sex as competition for your significant other then either your significant other is that kind of person or you are overreacting. If they are that kind of person then you probably shouldn’t be with them.

3. Jealously is unattractive plus it does you no good. It’s like worry in that you pay the worst price for something that may not happen and your worry has no influence on it at all. Worry and jealousy only hurt their host–you.

So the next time you feel that twinge of jealousy, take a deep breath, smile and remind yourself that you can help yourself by NOT being jealous. How? Because you’ll appear more classy and confident than a jealous wreck and, therefore, more attractive which will actually give you a better shot at keeping your significant other instead of losing him to Miss Mid Drift.

And if you lose him then thank God that you dodged the bullet before you married him.

Yes folks, you’re never too old to want some lovin’. It seems that even at 107 years old the “birds and the bees” part of life still applies! That’s right, a 107 year old Chineese woman is seeking a husband. Good for her!

According to the Yahoo article about her, “Local officials have said they are happy to help Wang search for a 100-year old groom, and suggested her family get in touch with old people’s homes to find candidates, the paper said.”

I’m reminded of that old song…

So remember, even if you are in your 100’s, there’s someone out there for you.

With all the marriage enrichment seminars out there, I’ve decided to offer some singles enrichment. What do you think of the list of topics?

1.)  Keeping the house clean with only two hands.
2.)  Keeping yourself on budget.
3.)  How to win an argument with your inner self.
4.)  Cooking for one - a real art form.
5.)  How to pass the time when you are alone in constructive ways.
6.)  Mending clothes-Darning socks; a must for single guys.
7.)  How to spot someone who is on the take.
8.)  Senior and Single - How to beat Euthenasia
9.)  To roommate or not to roommate, that is the question.
10.)  Dogs, a single person’s best friend.

Kidding….Mostly.

Did you know that 19 percent of single parents have roommates or someone renting a room in their home? And, if you’re single but not a parent, 53 percent of men and 43 percent of women live with roommates. I thought that more men would live alone than women, but that doesn’t appear to be the case according to the U.S. Census.

So half of the single guys live alone and more than half of the single ladies live alone. All the more reason to mingle with folks at Real Christian Singles.

Have you ever wanted dating ideas from the 1950’s? Yeah, I know, thoughts of guys’ pants pulled up too high, chaperones for dates and use of the word “swell” come to mind but there really are some good ideas in this date training video from the 1950’s. Just overlook the cheesy parts. So let’s head back in time for today’s Christian dating tip.

It’s not a good idea. Sometimes we think that is what the opposite sex wants. Sometimes we think that it’s going to score us points for them to know we can’t live without them.

It won’t. In fact, it will cost you “points.”

Maybe when you’ve been in a relationship for a year you can say things like, “I couldn’t live without you” and “You’re my whole world.” But if you say it too soon, like say a couple months after you started dating, your counterpart will wonder what kind of pathetic life you must have if you already couldn’t live without them.

And if they are your whole world in three weeks, then there’s not much of your world left for them to explore is there?

So take your time. Sure, falling in love is a good thing but don’t let your emotions make you say things that are premature. Leave some mystery. Show some strength and independence. Believe it or not, few people choose to marry just becauase someone has bent over backwards to show how much in love they are. People, especially women, tend to stay in longterm relationships with someone based on that person’s inner strength, stability and confidence.

Just remember that.

Here are 5 great date ideas that get you talking and learning about each other. They’re in no particular order.

1. Go shopping. Perhaps one hour looking at clothes for her and one hour looking at clothes for him. If you have the money perhaps you actually buy clothes but that’s not the important part. The important part is that this enables you to talk, joke and learn more about each other. 

2. Go bowling. Bowling is great for conversation plus you each have to wear the same tacky shoes. What more do you want for an opportunity to laugh together. Just don’t take the game to seriously. Neither of you should be there to bowl.

3. Sporting events. This only counts if each of you enjoy a certain sport or are fans of the same team. This is another one that makes for great conversation if each of you is familiar with the team’s history, its players and what’s up for grabs in the game of the day. If one of both of you are not into the team or the sport this is probably not a good idea.

4. Take a walk. The park is good or around your block. Take the dog with you if you have one. The scenery of a walk makes for good conversation besides the fact that it helps you to concentrate on each other. 

5. Horseback riding. This again requires that both of you have some familiarity with what you’re doing. So maybe you go somewhere local that provides a guide to instruct you and keep you safe. Either way, it’s fun and provides great conversation opportunities. Are you noticing a theme?

BONUS IDEA AT NO EXTRA CHARGE: Get together with mutual friends. Maybe it’s a couple or maybe it’s a few singles. Your call. I’d suggest a game of charades. An online generator of charade topics can be found here. Just select the topic or random and the site provides you with charade topics. This way when it’s your turn you go to the computer and click “next” and you see your word. Then the next person does the same thing. You’ll probably find you laugh the whole time.

For the sake of discussion, lets say you are looking to date. I know that in today’s world dating can mean many things. So we’ll say that you are open to meeting the person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life. And you figure that you need to get to know someone before you know if they are that person.

So what are you looking for in a relationship? How will you know if you should consider marriage with this person?

Well I can tell you that it’s more than a whim or a tingling sensation in your right leg. Sure, connections and magical feelings are certainly part of it, but don’t leave your brain at the door. Consider the following areas before you decide to talk engagement or marriage.

1. Is my relationship with this person consistent? Sure you might have a great time together, but what about paying bills together, doing household chores, relating to other family members, raising children, planning ahead for retirement, maintaining employment and sitting across from you at the dinner table when mac and cheese on a Tuesday night isn’t sentimental anymore?

2. Do we share similar goals? What if he wants to move to Alaska when you want to be near your family in the lower 48? What if he doesn’t want to have children. What if you want do mission work but he wouldn’t ever leave the U.S.? What if one of you feels that fulfillment will only come with a very high income but you’re content to just get by? The bottom line is, watch out for built-in conflicts. Find those out early on if possible.

3. Will the habits of this person still be cute in 20 years? Sure, it might seem cute that he can eat an entire pizza by himself and makes jokes about being lazy, but do you want to be married to a man who puts himself at risk of leaving you and your children alone because he dies of a lifestyle-based heart attack? And maybe it’s cute that she is a take-charge feminist but your goal is to be the leader and head of your family as the man.

Just because you decide that marrying a certain person isn’t the best thing, it doesn’t mean that you think that person is rotten. It just means that you’re taking marriage seriously. At the same time, remember that you’ll never find someone who is perfect because only one person has ever walked this earth perfectly and that was Jesus Christ. So decide what your non-negotiable qualities are in the opposite sex and stay true to them, but make room for human faults and shortcomings.

Perhaps the most anxious some of us will feel is in approaching someone to strike up a conversation, flirt or ask someone on a date.

As a potential remedy, I’ll offer a few things to consider.

1. It’s flattering for someone to be asked out. Women and men usually enjoy being asked out. So keep that in mind when you’re considering that walk across the room. You’re going to make someone feel good about themselves. So why torture yourself about approaching that person as though you were summoning them to court?

2. Do your homework. No one wants to be turned down so see if you can find out if that person has a significant other. If you’re just interested in friendly conversation, it won’t matter. But unless you’re going to try to win someone away from someone else, you’ll want to know if they’re involved with someone. So if you’re a guy ask her friends. Check her fingers for rings that look promisary and if all else fails, ask her, “Is your boyfriend meeting you here?” It works in reverse too ladies.

3. Don’t use pick up lines. Nothing screams that you’re out of touch with reality like an obvious pick up line that only suggests your personality is D.O.A.

4. The approach is one of confidence and relaxed conversation. Ask open-ended questions and tell funny stories but be sure they’re funny. If you’re not certain it’s funny, don’t try it. There’s no need to pour on the compliments because it can make it appear that you think you can earn a date with compliments and that’s a little pathetic.

5. If the conversation is going well and you’re feeling good about the situation, inviting them to meet with you again is probably in order if that’s what you want. But this early on is not a good time for something formal. If it has that sound you could scare someone away who thinks you might be moving too fast. So suggesting something with some other friends is a good thing or something that doesn’t sound like a big fat formal date. Who needs that pressure early on? You’re still getting to know each other so make it easy on both of you while you’re deciding if you want to move forward.

And remember that everyone appreciates classy confidence.

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God Himself created us to be attracted to certain traits in the opposite sex. There’s nothing shallow or unChristian in following what attracts. But the key is in making sure that we aren’t just following our attraction to the physical. Physical attraction has its place for sure, but be sure that it is not the only way you feel attracted to someone.

According to relationship expert Joe Beam, there are three main areas of attraction. He uses the acronym P.I.E. to show the three areas of attraction. They are: Physical, Intellectual and Emotional attraction.

So keep that in mind as you’re around other singles. There are plenty of physically attractive people, but the key is in finding someone that is also intellectually and emotionally attractive to you. Also keep these three areas in mind as you work to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex. Spend plenty of time exercising, eating healthy and standing in front of the mirror but also work on making yourself intellectually attractive by keeping up with current events, reading books and learning new things so that you can have intelligent and interesting things to talk about.

Emotional attraction can be a bit more mysterious. This is the attractional category sometimes assigned to the spiritual side of things. Emotional attraction is when you feel you have a special connection with another person that no one else can match. They make you feel alive, safe, confident, loved, special and when you are with them you usually feel that you are sharing a wavelength with them.

So remember the three areas of attraction not only when you are determining how you feel about someone, but also when you are wanting someone to feel attracted to you. There’s nothing wrong with bringing out the best in yourself. In fact, we should strive to do that every day.

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