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In a Moment, Without Notice

Words can be used to penetrate our hearts, bring comfort to our minds and give us abundant strength when we face what seems an insurmountable mountain before us.

Words can also pierce our hearts, bring the deep pain we are feeling to the surface and remain with us for a very long period of time.

When life seems perfect and carefree, there are no worries of what tomorrow may hold. Even when we are faced with a few tests of our faith, we still stay strong, believing that our faith will carry us through, no matter what may come into our lives. I have always held that belief, trusting in the Lord for whatever challenges lay before me, but I faced an enormous challenge in October, 2004. My husband Daniel and I had just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary that September. As we looked back upon those years, we reflected on how truly blessed we were that God had given us to each other. He gave us an incredibly precious and deep bond of love that could only come from Him. It was ours alone. Together, as we both leaned upon the Lord, we could persevere and conquer anything that came our way!

At age 39, my world and what I had come to love and cherish about our life came to an abrupt end that day in October. My beloved husband Daniel went for a mountain bike ride at a local State Park***, never returning to his earthly home. On that given day, his eyes beheld his Eternal Home for the first time. At 40 years young, Daniel was in the presence of Jesus, the One he described as his “best fishing buddy”. Now, Daniel would be at peace and have many beautiful waters to fish from right alongside Jesus. Thinking of where he was now, I find comfort in knowing he is in a Better Place, a Place where there is “no more sorrow and no more tears” (Revelation 21:4 “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” NKJV ). (1)

“Every good and perfect gift is from above...” James 1:17 (2)

I knew I had a choice to make that day. I could become depressed, dwell on the despair and wish the heartache away. Or I could choose to push through the pain, knowing that at some point I must be able to obtain some hint of joy again. I knew that Daniel would want me to live life to the fullest, even if it meant living without him here beside me. I chose to be grateful for the many years the Lord gave Daniel and me, for the gift of love that we had shared has forever changed my life. The years He gave us was a gift and as some have learned through their loss, gifts aren’t meant to last forever, at least while we are down here upon this earth.

Psalm 56:8 “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle, Are they not in Your book?” (3)

Reflecting upon this first year, I have had my moments when my “bottle of tears” must be close to spilling over. In those moments that I let the tears flow, I’ve drawn comfort from two simple words, “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35 ) (4)

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” (5)

The Lord knows the moments when the waves will come and you feel as though they will crash over you and send you plummeting to the ground. Sometimes the pain is so deep that it seems unbearable or it is a wall that seems too high to climb over. There is nothing to keep you from feeling the pain or the loss. But, as you walk through it, the Lord begins to buffer the pain. As He does, the intensity lessens and no longer sears right through your heart. Through this sorrow, I have come to fully recognize that the Lord truly is near to the brokenhearted.


“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (6)

Yes, the loss does seem to loom over you as a shadow and the valley can seem so deep as though you will never rise above it, as though the darkness encircling you was your closest friend. But clinging to this promise of the Lord, as our Shepherd, He will gently caress you, and bring you Comfort as no other. It was only His comfort that enabled me to continue to keep trusting Him, knowing then that the Lord would give me the strength and the stamina to walk this new and strange path that I found my feet upon. I never thought I would be the one that was still here. I was the one born with a chronic lung disease, Cystic Fibrosis. My life has been a fight from the beginning to surmount the odds and live beyond the life expectancy of a female, which is 32 years of age. When family and friends heard the news about Daniel, it baffled them, because they had always prepared themselves for the call about me, not Daniel.

Psalm 68:5 “A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows…” (7)

I told a dear friend, April, who lost her husband, Sean, that we couldn’t go down the “why” road, because if we began down that path, there was a great possibility that we would never turn back. We have to leave our “whys” in His lap and continue to trust that He has a purpose and a plan for us, being that we are the ones that are still here. We must turn it around and ask, “How, Lord, how do You want me to use this tragedy in my life to bring encouragement, comfort and compassion to others who also find their feet upon such a peculiar path”? The words, “I am sorry for your loss,” has so much more depth of meaning for me now. I find they are no longer just words that are uttered to fill in the silence.

Silence. Yes, there seems to be much more silence and stillness in my life. Especially when I find all of my family and friends begin to go about their daily tasks. As the days progress, their phone calls come less and less. It is hard to work through that stillness, when the aloneness is so prevalent and touches so many aspects of your life. Calling out to the Lord, bringing all of those burdens, doubts, fears, concerns and worries to Him, is the beginning of starting to live life again. It is the beginning of the acceptance that life does continue on without your loved one, without your significant other. It is the beginning of having the courage to check the “widow” box or answer the question of marital status. Bringing forth the words “I am a widow” from your lips, making it seem so unreal…yet, when spoken, it contains such finality.

Acts 17:25 “He gives to all life, breath and all things.” (Cool

He gives to all life and breath. These words helped me when I would battle with the “If only's.” “If only we would have seen another Doctor sooner or If I would have known that Daniel’s tiredness was something other than the physical labor of his job as a carpenter”. I learned that the cause of Daniel’s death was from slightly elevated blood pressure for 25 of his 40 years. Though the same questions began to stir within me, I found Psalm 139:15-16 settled my heart the most and allowed me to be free of the struggle.

Psalm 139:15-16 “My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” (9)

Yes, all of our days are ordained from Him. The Lord knows the day that He will take us and He knew from the beginning of time when He was bringing Daniel Home.

Psalm 120:1 “IN my distress I cried to the Lord, And he heard me.” (10)

Psalm 46:1 “GOD is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.” (11)

The Lord also knew the many obstacles, needs, challenges and troubles I would be facing, i.e., going through all of the seemingly endless paperwork and making phone calls to confirm the information was received; selling the house; sorting through all of Daniel’s clothes and personal items; letting go and deciding just what to keep and what to give away. Any of which can seem like such a grueling task. Keep in mind, there is no definite time-frame or guideline to the “right” process. Whether you decide to tackle them alone or with a family member or friend, one by one, slowly, you will begin to see closure.

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” (12)

I know my heart has literally been torn in two and I know it will take sometime for the Lord, the Magnificent Healer, to begin to piece my heart back together. My heart will never be as whole as it once was, but I know there will come a time that the waves will not feel as though they are sweeping over me. As a dear friend, Karen, shared with me, there will come a time when there will be moments that you will find the remembrances will bring forth a smile upon your face as you reflect upon them. The smiles will eventually, replace your tears and begin to outweigh the sadness and pain. When this does occur, it doesn’t mean you are betraying you’re beloved or that somehow you are forgetting them. No, it is the beginning of your healing and no matter the choices that come for you tomorrow, your consort will always hold a unique place in your heart. That place is to be cherished for the remainder of your lifetime.

Wherever you find yourself along this pathway of grief or you have yet to experience such a loss, the most consoling scripture I can share with you is:

Deuteronomy 33:27 “The eternal God is your refuge And underneath are the everlasting arms.” (13)

I thank the Lord every moment of every day that He is carrying me and you can be assured that whatever you are walking through at this moment or what you may face tomorrow, our Father is Faithful to His promises toward His children. Even when you find that it comes upon you “in a moment without notice,” His Arms are big enough to carry you, too.


Footnotes:
(1) New King James Version, p. 1676, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992.
(2) Ibid, p.1630
(3) Ibid, p. 774
(4) Ibid, p.1452
(5) Ibid, p.755
(6) Ibid, p. 746
(7) Ibid, p. 782
(8) Ibid, p. 1499
(9) Ibid, p.846
(10) Ibid, p.837
(11) Ibid, p.766
(12) Ibid, p. 852
(13) Ibid, p. 292

by Lpie (contributing RCS member)

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Author Comments
SilverSable
Moderator


Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 6
Comments: 1
 Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 9:27 am  Post subject: Wow.

Thank you for sharing that with us. I read every word and it meant so very much to me.
Rating: 0.00/5.00 [0]
Lpie



Joined: 24 Sep 2005
Dating Articles for Christians. Dating Advice.: 7
Comments: 1
 Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:17 pm  Post subject:

Silver Sable,
Thank you so very much, just what He placed upon my heart to share. I can only hope that the Lord will use the words to encourage you! Gbu, Lpie
Rating: 0.00/5.00 [0]
 

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