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Nonlie1
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:59 am
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| mayflower wrote: | It's very easy to get caught up in the emotion of this "great sin", but we as Christians are called to a higher calling and a higher power that commands us to forgive the unforgiveable.
It's very easy to go along with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy, but when I was face to face with a bonifide cheater (my mentor's husband), and tears are streaming down his face telling me that if his wife had not stood by him like she did, he would have never been able to pick himself back up. That man gave me inspiration to stand for my marriage throughout our 3-year separation and 18 months after the divorce. And they are still together...they share their Facebook
together even now.
Trust can be rebuilt if the adulterous spouse is truly repentant. And it just doesn't happen over night. |
I'm sorry but did you say 3-year separation??? Are you saying that you tried to work things out for three years before you thought it was enough to give up and file for the divorce?? God may have his ways of making things happen, but he also gave each of us freewill to do what we please. And if this man kept a mistress that long and you still wouldn't leave him, then I feel sorry for. That kind of devotion shouldn't go to a man who would do such a thing. 3 years just blows my mind. I can't imagine the thinking behind that kind of time frame. I don't mean any of this as an insult, but come on. That's three years of your life your not getting back. I think Mayflower probably said it best in her earlier post.
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mayflower
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:30 am
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We don't have to be stupid and be a doormat in order to forgive. We just have to leave their sin alone, focus on what God wants for us, and know that God is in control. God's ways are much higher than our ways. There is scripture to back those statements up. 
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mayflower
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:53 am
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Nonlie1 said:
| Quote: | | And if this man kept a mistress that long and you still wouldn't leave him, then I feel sorry for. That kind of devotion shouldn't go to a man who would do such a thing. 3 years just blows my mind. I can't imagine the thinking behind that kind of time frame. I don't mean any of this as an insult, but come on. That's three years of your life your not getting back. I think Mayflower probably said it best in her earlier post. |
His divorce...he filed in 2006, we separated in 2005... didn't go through until 2008, 8 months after he could have legally gone through with the divorce. Long story and alot of legal ramifications, but my thinking and conviction behind it was that I was not going to give up 21 years of a good marriage for 3-4 years of his stuff that he needed to work through. Our committment to each other was just that strong...we even taught marriage seminars. But his defiance, his disobedience to me and to God was enough for me to push the entire thing away and live my life as God would have me, including the possiblity of remarriage.
Marriage is a very serious committment - a man won't get rid of me that easily just because he thinks there is greener grass on the other side. It's not only a life-time committment to the marriage vows, but it is also a life-time committment to God. I considered the spiritual side very seriously, and I don't apologize for it. God has released me from that stand because of what his Word says...that He will have their heads if they continue in their sin. That's God's deal against him...not mine anymore.
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ModernReformer
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:00 pm
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| steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | i never mentioned i wouldnt forgive them Just that i wouldnt trust them again  |
Well, I would say, with due respect, that that is not true forgiveness - not forgiveness at all. |
I remember a sign "I Trust in God all others pay cash" You could forgive all the theives but would you trust them enough to leave your doors unlocked ??
But think about the consequences nowdays if a guy was unfaitful while his wife was breast feeding a baby and he caught AIDS both the mom and the baby would die because of him |
so you're saying that, because the man might get aids and give it to his child and wife, then they shouldn't trust them.
I am sorry, but that doesn't really apply. It is such a crazy circumstance. But, yes, forgiveness can still apply there. There is nothing on this earth that cannot be forgiven if done in the proper and right way. There are so many circumstances that just do not happen (barely) that one could use to excuse their non-forgiveness (non-trust), but i just don't buy it by Scripture. ya, be wise and caution and test the legitimacy of their repentance, but forgive as Christ forgives us.
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steve1313
Joined: 09 Mar 2010
Posts: 863
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:52 pm
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| ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | i never mentioned i wouldnt forgive them Just that i wouldnt trust them again |
Well, I would say, with due respect, that that is not true forgiveness - not forgiveness at all. |
I remember a sign "I Trust in God all others pay cash" You could forgive all the theives but would you trust them enough to leave your doors unlocked ??
But think about the consequences nowdays if a guy was unfaitful while his wife was breast feeding a baby and he caught AIDS both the mom and the baby would die because of him |
so you're saying that, because the man might get aids and give it to his child and wife, then they shouldn't trust them.
I am sorry, but that doesn't really apply. It is such a crazy circumstance. But, yes, forgiveness can still apply there. There is nothing on this earth that cannot be forgiven if done in the proper and right way. There are so many circumstances that just do not happen (barely) that one could use to excuse their non-forgiveness (non-trust), but i just don't buy it by Scripture. ya, be wise and caution and test the legitimacy of their repentance, but forgive as Christ forgives us. |
Not really crasy as theres over a million babies with AIDS in Africa and im not shure about the statistics in North America here plus theres many other STDs you can risk catching
Im thinking if a guy needs sex so bad that hees willing to rish losing his wife his marriage and maybe his life then theres got to be some kind of medical problem /chemical inbalence but definatly hees not firing on all cylinders
Its the same with pedofiles there is no cure so no they cant be trusted you could forgive them for raping and tortureing and killing your daughter but you could never trust them in society again
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ModernReformer
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:26 pm
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| steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | i never mentioned i wouldnt forgive them Just that i wouldnt trust them again |
Well, I would say, with due respect, that that is not true forgiveness - not forgiveness at all. |
I remember a sign "I Trust in God all others pay cash" You could forgive all the theives but would you trust them enough to leave your doors unlocked ??
But think about the consequences nowdays if a guy was unfaitful while his wife was breast feeding a baby and he caught AIDS both the mom and the baby would die because of him |
so you're saying that, because the man might get aids and give it to his child and wife, then they shouldn't trust them.
I am sorry, but that doesn't really apply. It is such a crazy circumstance. But, yes, forgiveness can still apply there. There is nothing on this earth that cannot be forgiven if done in the proper and right way. There are so many circumstances that just do not happen (barely) that one could use to excuse their non-forgiveness (non-trust), but i just don't buy it by Scripture. ya, be wise and caution and test the legitimacy of their repentance, but forgive as Christ forgives us. |
Not really crasy as theres over a million babies with AIDS in Africa and im not shure about the statistics in North America here plus theres many other STDs you can risk catching
Im thinking if a guy needs sex so bad that hees willing to rish losing his wife his marriage and maybe his life then theres got to be some kind of medical problem /chemical inbalence but definatly hees not firing on all cylinders
Its the same with pedofiles there is no cure so no they cant be trusted you could forgive them for raping and tortureing and killing your daughter but you could never trust them in society again |
have you ever looked at pornography?
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steve1313
Joined: 09 Mar 2010
Posts: 863
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:41 pm
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not since i got rid of the tv that secular tv is terrable but i sea dooed past a nude beach today does that count 
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ModernReformer
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:52 pm
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| steve1313 wrote: | | not since i got rid of the tv that secular tv is terrable but i sea dooed past a nude beach today does that count |
but you have looked at it? you have lusted after a woman at some point in your life?
if you say no to that, well, this conversation is pointless
point is that if you have even thought about a woman in a lustful manner, you have committed adultery. that is scripture. and so, by your own logic, should not be trusted again.
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steve1313
Joined: 09 Mar 2010
Posts: 863
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:05 pm
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| ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | not since i got rid of the tv that secular tv is terrable but i sea dooed past a nude beach today does that count |
but you have looked at it? you have lusted after a woman at some point in your life?
if you say no to that, well, this conversation is pointless
point is that if you have even thought about a woman in a lustful manner, you have committed adultery. that is scripture. and so, by your own logic, should not be trusted again. |
I grew up in Europe where nudity and see through tops are common so it really doesnt affect me the same way as a person growing up in a prudish culture
ive had lustfull thoughts about my ex when we were married but making love is so far better than just sex i cant really see the point unless your emotionally involved with the person 
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ModernReformer
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:02 pm
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| steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | not since i got rid of the tv that secular tv is terrable but i sea dooed past a nude beach today does that count |
but you have looked at it? you have lusted after a woman at some point in your life?
if you say no to that, well, this conversation is pointless
point is that if you have even thought about a woman in a lustful manner, you have committed adultery. that is scripture. and so, by your own logic, should not be trusted again. |
I grew up in Europe where nudity and see through tops are common so it really doesnt affect me the same way as a person growing up in a prudish culture
ive had lustfull thoughts about my ex when we were married but making love is so far better than just sex i cant really see the point unless your emotionally involved with the person |
you seem to be saying that you never have a lustful thought about another woman... like ever? which i find... well, pretty much a lie, honestly
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Nonlie1
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:27 pm
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I think what steve is saying is that having a bad thought and doing that bad thought are too different things. A guy can get the urge to smack someone up side the head, but actually doing it is a lot worse. To compare the two as the same thing is ridiculous. Look at it this way. If a married couple has a sexual fantasy involving something like rape, s & m, or domination, its a lot different then them going out and raping someone then abusing them. Scripture or not scripture, we are human and don't have total control over our thought process. If you had a man who never lusted after a woman, then you sir have a gay man. So under your logic, there is no difference in lusting after a woman and two men having sex???
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steve1313
Joined: 09 Mar 2010
Posts: 863
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Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:48 pm
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| ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | ModernReformer wrote: | | steve1313 wrote: | | not since i got rid of the tv that secular tv is terrable but i sea dooed past a nude beach today does that count |
but you have looked at it? you have lusted after a woman at some point in your life?
if you say no to that, well, this conversation is pointless
point is that if you have even thought about a woman in a lustful manner, you have committed adultery. that is scripture. and so, by your own logic, should not be trusted again. |
I grew up in Europe where nudity and see through tops are common so it really doesnt affect me the same way as a person growing up in a prudish culture
ive had lustfull thoughts about my ex when we were married but making love is so far better than just sex i cant really see the point unless your emotionally involved with the person |
you seem to be saying that you never have a lustful thought about another woman... like ever? which i find... well, pretty much a lie, honestly |
everyone thinks about sin book writers movie writers even everyone in the bible judges ect but thinking about it and doing it are two different things thats where i disagree with that scripture
if i think about committing a murder then write about it in a book and publish it does that then make me a murderer
Hmm im thinking now as to when that scripture was written as lots of laws were abolished when the levites left Jewrusulem including Tithing as written in Acts ???
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